relationship rant

"Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle" (1500sand535)
08/10/2018 at 22:06 • Filed to: None

Turbo for your time

I...

Cook the meals, clean the dishes, mow the yard, let her sleep in on her weekends off, watch our kid while she works every other night/weekend because she wanted the non 9-5 job, fold the laundry, bring out the garbage, make our budget, carry out our budget/pay the bills. ..

And for a while being the person that did all that and worked the well paying 9-5 was okay.

But lately I think.

Fuck this.

DISCUSSION (21)

CB > Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle
08/10/2018 at 22:34

Have you talked with your S.O. about how you've been feeling?

shop-teacher > Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle
08/10/2018 at 22:36

You better talk to her before you end up seeing your kid every other weekend dude.

The Dummy Gummy > CB
08/10/2018 at 22:39

This is the right response. You (Neil) let this build it will inevitably boil over and may be irreversible. You owe it to her and if not her, yourself to have this conversation to reshuffle the balance in the house. Hang in there brotha .

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle
08/10/2018 at 22:40

I am not unfamiliar with these feelings. I think they are statistically likely to pop up once you’ve been with someone for a long time. The only advice I can offer is to talk about it. Often, they are not truly aware and show remorse plus some effort. My wife and I have a sort of system where one person mentions it *snaps fingers* riiiight when they’re just starting to feel it -- it being the feeling of, “Soooo I feel like I’ve been doing everything, is there something... wrong...?” We all have our ups and downs, we are sometimes preoccupied with other unfortunate circumstances, and sitting on feelings of resentment tend to snowball until shit explodes so I don’t recommend it.

WRXasaurus > Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle
08/10/2018 at 22:42

I also do the majority of the chores in our household. And I resent my wife time to time as well. But in the end of the day she and i are far better of together then separate. And I still love her dearly.

Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle > CB
08/10/2018 at 22:42

Yeah ; it sometimes gets better but she just lacks maturity I’m realizing so there’s no permanent capacity for change .

I think I’m realizing how much counseling is our only path at this point.

Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle > shop-teacher
08/10/2018 at 22:43

We talk it sometimes gets a little better

Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle > Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo
08/10/2018 at 22:46

We talk, she knows, sometimes it gets better.

Dr. Zoidberg - RIP Oppo > Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle
08/10/2018 at 22:47

You’re reply indicates to me that this is an ongoing thing that is not improving and that you are seldom the offender.

CB > Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle
08/10/2018 at 22:49

Counseling would be a good idea, and also let her know about the severity of the issue. If that doesn't change anything, then I think you've found your answer.

LOREM IPSUM > Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle
08/10/2018 at 23:19

If talking hasn’t helped, stop doing all but the essentials. Basically, take care of the kid and let everything else pile up for a moment so she notices just what ISN’T getting done. Then ask her if she’s ready to give you a hand taking care of it all.

I suspect she more than likely will be, but if not, take a cue from The Sopranos and visit every single divorce lawyer in your area and discuss matters so they are forced to recuse themselves should she attempt to hire them in the future.

Hope things improve. For you, your kid, and family as a whole.

fintail > Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle
08/10/2018 at 23:39

99 problems and a somethin aint one. Been there done did that .

But seriously, sit down with her and have a talk. Either way, you’ll know where things are going.

PyramidHat > Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle
08/10/2018 at 23:54

Sorry, man. If I may, how old is she? She might age out...

Chariotoflove > Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle
08/11/2018 at 00:16

No easy answer I can fit in a post here. This sounds like a real danger. You’re going to both have to work on this for real or bad things will happen.

Wrong Wheel Drive (41%) > Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle
08/11/2018 at 02:07

Communication is key. And of course also realizing the things that the other person might be doing for you that you don’t even realize. In my relationship, I also do all of the cooking, cleaning, driving, and work a normal 40 hour week with regular hours. But my girlfriend also works long hours and does plenty else to make up for the chores I do. She is the master planner of things, she is much better at organizing our lives, and she doesn’t ever ask for anything or complain. We don’t follow the “traditional” mold but are quite happy. Sometimes keeping up with the chores is tough and I imagine with kids, it would be much tougher. But we constantly communicate and work together whenever possible. We push each other to be successful and are just about having fun always. It’s the little things that both add up for success as well as eat you eventually. It's a balance to keep you both happy.

kiwi_matt > Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle
08/11/2018 at 08:58

The kicker will be when she divorces you in a few years, gets the kids and spousal support because you work the well paying job.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle
08/11/2018 at 09:30

An interesting solution I heard but have not tried is valuing all of the chores and paying the person who gets to do them. That way, if you don’t want to do the dishes, the two of you can start bidding on what it’s worth and the winner gets to do that chore at the higher price. The money comes out of the joint budget and goes into your personal spending account. Nobody gets spending money unless they do some chores.

Manny05x > Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle
08/11/2018 at 09:30

Sounds like you giving more than she is. Fuck that.

E92M3 > shop-teacher
08/11/2018 at 10:48

^ THIS

If you think you’re unhappy now, just wait till you have no control over who she has sleeping in your old house and around your child.

Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle > PyramidHat
08/12/2018 at 12:25

Was out and about for a day or so; she’s 33. I doubt she’ll have a big change at this point.

Neil drives a beetle and a fancy beetle > TheRealBicycleBuck
08/12/2018 at 12:27

That would be hilarious.